Monday, May 30, 2005

The long way

I walked home from work today, which I don’t usually do. I am so lazy, desire for incidental exercise aside, that I will often ask Taco to come get me. Unbelievable. You’d think I was happy at this weight with that kind of behaviour.

Helping me reform is my shiny new iPod Shuffle, which is making me want to walk everywhere, all over town, all day long. To start, though, I walked home from work. Listening to a curious blend of Beastie Boys, Kelly Clarkson, some stuff I don’t even know what it is, I just bought it in a frenzy the other day at the iTunes store, and Taco’s record (which you can download for yourself, if you like, here. I highly recommend it, of course…)

The Goodness Plan has not exactly been flawlessly executed yet, but elements of it are coming together. That is to say, I did do yoga this morning, and Taco started supper before he went to work. I came home as he was going out, and he asked me to go pick up his new glasses. I grabbed a ride with him as far as the music school he teaches at, then hiked the rest of the way. The place was closed, no new glasses for Taco today. Instead, I bought a loaf of kamut bread at Great O and hoofed home.

I took the long way home, consciously eschewing short cuts.

You know? It was very awesome. All together, I ended up with 50 minutes of brisk walking, which will more than sub in for what I was going to do at the gym tonight. Plus, I got to feel the damp air on my skin (the sun is supposed to come out tomorrow, and it’s about time. It’s been 25 days since last it shone here). And I got to smell the incredible fresh-cut grass on Citadel Hill. And I got to hear a lot of really good music on my iPod.

I loved the feeling of being in motion. The sensation of walking, of feeling my legs move back and forth. It was absolutely intoxicating. I cannot account for this. I’m not generally the type to get all worked up about simple movement. Maybe I am becoming this type? Hard to say.

I can tell you this. Lately, I’ve been working on breathing. And trying to stay in the moment. Two things I’m pretty bad at, all things considered. But when I manage to do either, let alone both, I feel fantastic. Light headed and happy, like I have some tremendous secret, some amazing new toy. Somewhere in here, somewhere in all the brain work I’ve been doing lately, somewhere in here lies the key.

If it’s been all about fear in the past, and I believe it has been, then this is where I begin to conquer it. This is where I start to find myself. Finally.

And all this time, I didn’t even know I was lost.

This is just me, I guess, taking the long way home.


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