Just to, you know, clarify

It's not that I'm anti-encouragement.

Because I am not.

In fact, you can go right ahead and encourage me, and I will not take it the wrong way, I promise.

And I am going to try to stop seeing patronising behaviour where it may not be.

I mean, it may be there, but just in case I'm wrong, I'm going to take encouragement at face value.

Because I have to spend my energy on other things, like cardio striptease and grocery shopping and ripping out a wall in my house.

Oh, the things I have to tell you, about keeping myself honest in my efforts, about my need for concrete evidence about the relative healthiness or unhealthiness of my choices and about how health insurance plans should totally cover the cost of iPods, because listening to music while walking is the best thing I've found yet for staying in the moment.

Speaking of the moment, the one I'm in right now is owed to my employer. But I promise I'll be back tonight.