Challenging

So…I didn’t meet my goal for the month. I decided somewhat late in the month that I should aim to lose five pounds each month this year. Seems reasonable – it’s just a pound and a quarter a week. But it is the kind of loss that has eluded me since September. Ah, September, you held such promise.

But then I got all distracted by my life and stopped givin’ ‘er.

Now, it’s not a total write-off. I did recommit to the gym, to drinking water (to the point of buying a watercooler for the house and getting two 18 litre water jugs delivered every two weeks) and especially to tallying my food and exercise at wlr. And the result of that has been somewhat ethereal – I feel smaller than I was four weeks ago. And in fact, I am smaller – I shed a few inches, and four pounds. Not five, but four. Pretty close.

But no, as they say, cigar.

I ate French fries last night for the first time in ages, and they were pretty good, but I can’t say I really miss them all that much. Good once in a while, but not my favourite food anymore. I ate meat three times this week, and that feels extraordinary, and like way too much. I crave all kinds of exercise these days including, today, the dreaded plank and yoga pushup. I acknowledge these things as victories. They are not what my stats-obsessed mind craves, necessarily, but still, they are metrics.

The thing is, I’m sure I could push myself harder. As it is, I don’t push myself hardly at all. I like eating the foods I’m eating, I leave room for treats, I like, mostly, my work out time, I prefer drinking water above all other liquids. I am doing things that are generally easy for me to do. I do not, however, push myself beyond that. I will eat mostly vegetarian, but won’t fully commit to it. I will work out five or six days a week, but I won’t step outside my comfort zone with it…I do the same workouts over and over. The same classes, the same cardio machines, the same stretches. I eat roughly 1600-1800 calories a day, depending on how much exercise I’m racking up. It is comfortable. It keeps me mindful, but it doesn’t make me sweat very hard, you know?

Two things I am pretty frightened of: spin class and running. They seem really hard. I’ve done spin once and it almost killed me. That was about a year ago. I am much more fit now. Running…I’ve done a bit of it, and it hurts and is hard. I’m sure that appeals to some people, and I expect it hurts less and gets less hard as you progress. But right now, my knees and my ankles feel too delicate.

So…spin it is, I suppose. It’s time to quit fucking around. Time to quit learning the same lesson over and over. Time to challenge myself.

So. Spin classes. And five pounds in February.