Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Bet you didn't think you'd find me here again quite so soon....

...and yet, here I am.

There are challenges ahead, I know. Things are tough...Taco and I are both super busy right now, me with work and writing, he with a music workshop and with gigs. And good god, we are broke broke broke, oh, so broke. And busy, did I mention busy? And so the house is a mess, and the bills need paying, and I keep making these to-do lists on scraps of paper, folding them a frillion times and cramming them in my pockets and then, you know, forgetting about them, and the things on them. Oh, Sisyphus, you had nothing on me. Nothing, I say! No one is better than me at rolling the same stupid rock up the same stupid hill a zillion stupid times.

No one.

Taco very kindly tonight pointed out that things are tough because we've let them get that way, but now that we're aware of just how tough things are, now we'll look at things head on, and deal with them, and not look away and pretend there's nothing wrong. We stood in the garden in the fog and had this chat and though the sky was getting darker and the fog thicker, all I could see was the light going on. Because this is what I've done: I've looked to the side, pretended that what's in front of me isn't as bad as it actually is. That if I just ignore it long enough, it'll go away.

What do you know, turns out I was wrong. It doesn't go away...whether it's a power bill or twenty or thirty pounds (not to put too fine a point on it, you see). Whether it's the result of a new water heater and just not looking at the bill for two months, or the result of chocolate and bread and oh-i'll-exercise-tomorrow/next week/next month. It doesn't go away. In fact, it gets worse. And then you get hit with a number you'd rather not see, whether on the bill's bottom line or the scale's.

The trick, though, is to catch it. To catch it, to look it in the eye, to do something--whatever it takes--to stop it, to fix it, to turn it around. In the case of the bills, it's a new tenant, starting in August, and a new austerity starting right now. In the case of the scale, it's water and walking and yoga.

And vigilance. Vigilance all round.

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